Summer School Jackie

This is a mirror story of "So Who's the New Chick" same people. same places, different points of view. Also dedicated to the Langston brothers who made my life bearable in that first year away from home. Thank you Jess and Jim and your family for making me a part of your family.
Barbara Striesand should sing for me, "the way it might have been"


“So, who's the new chick? Myra.
"Oh, that's Jackie. She's my roommate for the summer. I had to make up a couple of credits so I'm staying the summer sessions, and I had to move in to Cowden.
Pitts, huh?”
“Yeah, pretty much. All my friends went home for summer. Jackie went to my high school, and I knew her -- well, more her sister. But she really seemed excited to see me, and I didn't have a roomy, so I let her move in. She's OK. I always thought she was LDS, but she says she's not.”
“What was her problem. She left here like she'd see a ghost.”
“I don't know, kind of shy, I guess; she said she had something else to do.”
Myra hit the ping pong ball as her turn came up, then handed the paddle to the next player. Run around ping pong had become the favorite pass time at the ‘tute lately. It got more people involved, and it didn't make so much out of winning or losing so the less skilled players could have a good time too.
"Hey, Brother C. good to see you."
"Well, Myra, glad you could come back for the summer. Leon with you?"
"Yeah, he’s out fiddling with his car." Myra brushed her hair from her face in a motion that clearly showed off her new engagement ring.
"So, you two still getting married in the fall?"
"Yeah, I have him on a diet to lose a few pounds before the wedding. I've got him exercising and dieting. Those little bird baths in his scapula will be back in no time."
Jackie was half listening over her book, and noticed Brother C. looked concerned, but seemed to decide not to say anything just then. Leon was a nice kid, just home from his mission. Myra had flirted and courted him since the first day of spring semester when he appeared at the ‘tute, just days home from his mission. He seemed to be flattered by the attention and fell into dating her immediately without getting to know any of the other girls. Myra kept him pretty busy, and pretty isolated from any competition, but now, it looked like she wasn't satisfied with what she had, she was already manipulating him and trying to change him. Leon seemed blind to what was happening. He was so infatuated by her and her attention that he would do anything for her.
Brother Crockett watched the ping pong game as it gradually dwindled. One after the other fell out to go to class or buy books. Jack was just leaving when Myra came in with Jackie. Brother C didn't miss the looks he gave the girls. The skeptical once over and eyeball roll to Myra's back and an interested glance in Jackie's direction.
"Hey, Leon, " he greeted as Leon came bursting in through the open door. How's it going Elder?”
"Great, Brother C. I got that engine purring like a kitten. And look at this, Leon flexed. I'm getting my old wrestling physique back. That hospitality in Hawaii can sure put on the pounds. But Myra has me working it off so I will look buff for her wedding. I mean,” he quickly corrected, "our wedding."
"Hey, tall dark and handsome," Myra snuggled up to him, taking his arm and entwining it with hers. How's my gorgeous hunk of a man?" Leon blushed and looked around. At least no one was there to hear her gushing. He was starting to become more uncomfortable with her public displays of affection.

"Where’d everybody go? I wanted to play ping pong," Leon said disengaging from Myra's grip, picking up an idol paddle from the table, then bending to retrieve the ball from where it had last fallen. "Wanna play Myra?"
"No, it's such a silly game, she said flipping her long hair over her shoulder.
Leon looked confused and hurt, but laid the paddle back on the table, carefully cradling the ball between it and the other one already laying there.
“Now, why can't I get that kind of a guy?” Jackie pondered behind her book. "And there he is stuck with Myra, who is trying to make him over in her selected image. Man, life just isn't fair.”
"Hey Brother C. I need to talk with you, Leon said, over his shoulder. “Can I get an appointment?"
"Sure. I have a class right now, but how about after class this afternoon, say threeish."
"What's that all about, Myra quizzed him, running her hand up and down his arm seductively.
"Just some stuff I gotta talk about. Nothing really. So how's your new roomy working out."
“She’s a book worm, I'm afraid. She'd rather study than socialize.”
"Well, I guess some of us are here to get an education,” Jackie said from behind her book, and received a dirty look from Myra. Leon suppressed a smile.
The ‘tute‘, was empty now. Brother Crockett had retreated into his office gathering up materials for the Old Testament class, and Myra lead Leon away to the car. Jackie was glad to have the quiet. Classes had only begun yesterday and she felt like she was already behind. Taking a semester class in five weeks meant covering about three weeks of material in one.
Jackie was a sophomore, but since her folks were traveling they had decided it would be best for her to stay at school for the summer and get additional credits. She felt more comfortable here at the ‘tute‘, than at the dorm. It was only first day but the roommate assigned to her made her very uncomfortable with her trashy talk and swearing. She made a note to herself to choose a roommate herself if she returned for another summer. Every other word was a swear word and all she ever talked about was her escapades with men. Jackie doubted that anyone could have had that many men by her age, but then -- maybe she had. She found the quiet isolation of the institute a great relief. Jackie could hardly wait for her old roommate, Toni, to return for fall so they could share their old room at South Quad. Why it had to be closed for the summer she didn't know, but Cowden was the pits with the far away community bathrooms and now this roommate. Jack always called it Heifer Hall, the cow den.
Jackie studied until late afternoon, then returned just before MIA. "Jackie,” Bishop Swan touched her shoulder as she entered the building. She turned to shake his hand. "Can we see you a few minutes before MIA begins?"
"Oh, sure, What is it? Something I forgot to repent of?"
"Nothing like that," Bishop Swan smiled, indicating a chair at the side of his big polished desk. "Jackie we've prayed about this and the Lord wants you to serve as first counselor for the Young Women. As counselor, since our president and her other counselor are gone for the summer, you'll be acting as president for the next nine weeks. Can you accept this position?"

"Wow, I never thought I'd be in a presidency. Are you sure you got the right Jackie?"
Bishop Swan chuckled. "Yup. It's definitely you that the Lord wants in this position. Toni has been called as the secretary, the other counselor and Marilyn, the president, won’t be here for summer sessions. You'll need to get together to plan the summer activities with Lincoln -- he's still the Young Men's president, and he'll be a big help to you."
She was sustained in sacrament meeting and set apart in the bishop’s office after sacrament meeting. "Let's have a prayer, Bishop said, as he knelt by his desk. Jackie felt the Holy Ghost warm her from her heart through all her extremities as she listened to the blessing the bishop pronounced on Brother Gary, setting him apart as Sunday School president, and then took her place in the center chair. "Sister Jackie, as we set you apart for the position of second counselor in the NAU College Ward young women's organization, we bless you with the ability to organize yourself, to have time for your classes and your social life as you take time out of your busy schedule to take care of the responsibilities involved in this calling. We bless you with physical health and moral strength that you will have wisdom in all areas of your life, that by your leadership and by your example, those who are seeking light and truth will be lead to investigate the gospel of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Through this and other positions you will hold in the church you will have the opportunity and responsibility to bear your testimony often."
She didn't really listen to Toni's blessing, as her head was swimming with the thoughts she had and the great feeling of three sets of hands pressing down upon her head. As Toni and Jackie walked home together after the blessings, they agreed to sign up to be roommates at South Quad for the coming year. The three of them, Toni Jackie and Tami would be good for each other they agreed.
Back at her dorm she took out her patriarchal blessing to compare it with what the bishop had said:
“Now my dear sister," the patriarch had spoken, " one of the great responsibilities of the membership of the church is to teach the gospel; and I say unto you, you will have countless opportunities to bear your testimony and to teach the words of life and salvation to those who sit in darkness, and I urge you to prepare yourself through study, through gaining a testimony of the gospel and I promise you that if you will do this, our Heavenly Father will enlighten your mind and quicken your understanding. He will loosen your tongue and make you a valiant emissary in his cause."




Chapter

Lincoln lived with his parents who were dorm parents in Peterson hall, the boy's dorm. They had a downstairs apartment especially designed for family living. Several of the boys in the ward lived in Peterson; it was the only men's dorm open for the summer.
Jackie, grabbed Lincoln's arm as the opening exercises for MIA broke up. "Hey Jackie, what's new?” he asked her grinning from ear to ear.
"I guess you know." she said, grinning back. "So now all I need is a tutor to help me get organized. Looks Like I'm on my own for the summer. Just me and Toni. Tami and Marilyn won't be back till September.”
"You know our college ward is in charge of the autumn stake dance? We need to start planning that, and some fund raisers for the youth conference at the end of the summer. "
"Will we have any kids going -- isn't it during the last week of summer session?”
"Yes, but I guess there are a couple who have signed up to go, and some of the kids in the city wards will be going. We have some girls that live in town and come to the college ward. It's a stake thing so we're expected to help out."
"I just have that one requirement for my Golden Gleaner award. I have to organize and carry out plans for a stake dance, so I'll be glad to help out with that. I'll start working on it right away.” Jackie got out her notebook. "So, what are our plans?" she said emphasizing the OUR.
"Listen, we'll have to talk later, there's my mom. I have to go with her to a doctor’s appointment." Jackie leaned in the open door to greet sister Johnson. As Lincoln sat into the passenger seat, she held on to the top of the door still chatting. Suddenly she heard a scream, and realized it was her own voice. Time seemed to go into slow motion as she saw the tips of her fingers caught in the power window, turning blue. As quickly Lincoln perceived that he had pushed the button on the power window, he groped for the button, but seemed to be all thumbs. As fast as he could he rolled the window down to release her fingers. Jackie couldn't stop the tears. Lincoln pulled her into the car seat beside him, and Jackie held her painful hand between her thighs to stop the throbbing. Sister Johnson drove directly back to their apartment where they iced her hand and apologized over and over.
"I'm sorry," Jackie finally said. "I know your were headed somewhere. I'll be ok. You have to go."
"Well, at least we can take you home," Sister Johnson said, and they got back in the car, Jackie exaggerated the motion as she carefully avoided touching the window. Lincoln laughed at her miming, and apologized a couple more times before he walked her into Cowden hall.
Sunday morning Jackie walked alone to the institute to attend Sunday School, early enough to visit with incoming students. She was anxious to see who was in the ward for the summer, and get to know the new girls. Bishop Swan gave the Sunday school lesson. She gave the two new boys the once over. She felt a surge of disappointment that Jack wasn't there. She had hoped he would be attending the ward during the summer. Just as she clutched onto Tami's arm to leave, Jack came into the foyer.
“Sister Spencer,” he said extending his hand for Jackie.
"Brother Langston," she answered shaking his hand just as cordially. She didn't miss that mystical smile and twinkling eyes. He nodded to Toni mumbling "good morning."
"Oh, no," Jackie thought, "he's going to go to the other ward. Maybe I'll stay just to spend some time with him." Jackie contemplated. But she decided against it, and went to the dining hall with Toni. Later she learned that he hadn't stayed anyway, so she was glad she hadn't wasted her time. For the last two months of spring semester Jack had flirted with Jackie off and on, and even taken her out a couple of time, but what Jackie really wanted was to develop a romantic relationship with him. She really liked him, and he just seemed to think of her as a friend, or worse, his sister.
"You're a cute little girl," he would tell her dropping her off after what she wished to consider a date.
Standing in line for her dinner, Jackie shook her mind back to the present as she spotted Rob, and decided that if she sat with him, maybe she would get a ride to the fireside. As she saw him take his tray over to the table with Martin and his sister Mysha. Jackie set her tray on the table joining the group. Mysha hurried through her meal and left to meet a friend, but Jackie sat and visited with Rob and Martin, bringing up the subject of the evening’s fireside. That went nowhere. As they cleared their trays and walked to the conveyor belt to discard them, Martin finally asked if she was going to the fireside.
"Yes, if I can get a ride." she blurted out.
"Well, that was subtle," Martin laughed and promised to pick her up at 6;30.
"Martin is a pretty class act," she thought. "It would be so great to get to know him better." He was just home from his mission in Argentina, and still pretty shy around the girls, but he seemed to be comfortable with Jackie. "I seem to be everyone's sister and no one’s girl friend," Jackie complained to herself as she walked toward Cowden Hall. Her room was on the first floor near the back, so she entered the north east door and skipped down the hall to her room. Her roommate, Mary, was gone when she got there, she was grateful for the time by herself. She had just kicked off her shoes and lay down on her bed when the phone rang.
"Jack! Hello..”
"Hey little girl. How about coming to my house to see my mission slides. Mom talked me into showing them to the family again tonight. I'd like to have you there."
"Oh, no. of all the time to ask me," she thought in a panic, and said out loud, "How about a rain check? I need to go to that fireside tonight. You know, the YW counselor gig."
"Oh, yeah, I heard about you being sustained this morning. Good. I think the Lord made a good choice. Are you still reading the scriptures?"
"Yeah, every day. Uh, maybe we could make a rain check for the slides. I'd really love to see them."
"You're a good little girl. Good, it’s a rain check then."
"Ahhhhhhhhh", she screamed after hanging up the phone. "Why? Why Why? I could have told Martin never mind. I could still call him and -- but I can't do that. It probably took all his nerve to ask me if I wanted a ride -- or maybe that's all it is, a polite gesture to give me a lift to the fireside. “OH. OH. OH. OH.” she repeated banging her head on the pillow.
"Jackie, are you all right?" Tami hollered through the door. It sounded like you were screaming."
"Oh, Tami, come in. No, I'm OK. Really. Just stupid, stupid, stupid.” After a half hour review of all she had done to get him to ask her out, and mourning the loss of this great chance they commiserated with thought that at least Jack had called.
Martin called her from the lobby at 6:30 sharp, and they arrived in the Bishop's driveway early for the fireside, driving up at the exact same time as Rob. There were about twenty kids, and the bishop's wife served popcorn and punch. Two young high school boys attended; they were at the college for a two week math workshop, so Martin offered to take them back to their dorm, and Jackie began to think she was right about it just being a ride. Wilson hall was the dorm they used for all the high school work shops and elder hostile throughout the summer. At least he let them off first.
"Have you seen the new student center? It's due to open for fall semester. It'll be great. And they are breaking ground next month on the new indoor swim pool’ they call it the Natorium.” Jackie was excited about that the most because she loved to swim. The activity center was closed so they just drove around it, then Martin suggested taking a tour of the new institute building. The late summer evening still had some twilight left, so he took her hand and lead her through the unfinished building showing her where the kitchen would be and the classrooms.
"It will really be big. We're hoping to fill it. Each year we have more and more LDS kids coming up, but it seems like most of them still end up going to BYU."
"I don't know why. I love it here. It's close enough to get home on weekends --when my folks are there, but far enough from Phoenix to be cooler, and the mountains are so beautiful."
"Yeah, I keep trying to talk Mindy into going here."
"Mindy?" Yeah, she was my girlfriend all through High school, and waited for me while I was on my mission. But she wants to go on a mission, so now I'll have to wait for her, then who knows?"
Martin was the new institute president and took his position very seriously. Back at the dorm Jackie waited for him to jump out of the car and run around to open her door as he had when they drove up to the Bishop's house. But he just sat there with his hands on the steering wheel and continued to talk about the challenges they faced as leaders in the college ward.
“I hear rumors that they're going to divide the wards differently in the fall -- put all the married couples in one ward and all the singles in the other. That will make it easier to get to know everyone, don't you think?" He barely paused, then continued. "You know, I think the biggest problem facing the kids in institute -- all of us, is morality. Bishop Swan didn't give me details, but he seemed really concerned about it, and wants to be sure we have lots of activities so couples have a place to go instead of parking or drive in movies. Having the institute building open every evening and more classes will be a big help.
"That's the place they get in trouble all right. I mean, I've heard girls talk about it,” Jackie back peddled. “I've tried really hard not to put myself in that situation since the problems I had in high school. I mean, I never went all the way, but.."
"You don't have to tell me -- I'm not your bishop," Martin joked in an attempt to ease her discomfort.
"Sometimes I have dreams, and when I wake up I feel so guilty that I would even be thinking that way -- I mean in some of the dreams, I'm in bed with a guy or worse."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I have the same type of dream and I wake up and think ‘Oh, no what have I done’."
They talked for nearly an hour, then, suddenly Martin jumped up ran around to her side, opened the door and lifted her hand gently to guide her out. "That yellow dress is really pretty," he told her as they walked toward the dorm. "I like the way you can see your arms through the sleeves, but it is really modest at the same time." Then, "Can I call you again, and we can do something fun."
The week went by fast with Jackie spending all her spare time at the ‘tute studying or visiting. She expected MIA to be extra fun, but felt vaguely disappointed when none of the guys offered to drive her home. Martin wasn't there, and Rob pretty much ignored her. She had conducted the meeting for the first time, with Lincoln's coaching and he asked her in concern how her fingers were . She wiggled them and said they were all there. Jack wasn't even at MIA.
Everyday she walked to the post office hoping for mail. She often caught up with Jackie when she saw her to say hi, and tried to make a point of being friendly to her at meals. She had heard she wasn't LDS, and thought she might be able to encourage her to come out to some of the activities. Jackie was really taking her calling seriously, thinking about how she could be a good leader. Gina was friendly, but never allowed an opening for much conversation or invitation. At dinner most the group sat together, and Myra brought her roommate with her, trying to include her in the group. She always was one of the first to leave the table, saying she had math to work on. It seemed like an excuse to leave, because Jackie didn't see how anyone could spend that much time on math homework.
Jackie got post cards from her mother as they traveled around. It kind of irritated her. Her parents never went anywhere when she was at home. Now with her gone, it seemed like they felt free. Jackie didn't begrudge them their new found freedom, but she did feel a little jealous of their adventures. Why hadn't they taken her on a trip like that; or offered to take her this summer instead of telling her she should stay at school for the summer. She couldn't even know if they would get the letters she sent, but she was glad to get their letters, and looked forward to weekends when Mom usually called from somewhere on the road.
Rob walked over to the table where Jackie was already sitting and put his tray down. “Mind if I sit here?”
"Fine with me," Jackie said a bit too gruffly.
"Why is every time I open my mouth around him, I sound so gruff? I try to sound sweet and appealing, but I come out sounding like I'm mad at him. I'm afraid that I scare him away, but he has initiated togetherness several time this week, at the institute and at dinner. Maybe he's just shy, or maybe he thinks Martin is dating me because he saw us drive up at the fireside together. I enjoyed talking to Martin, but he has some girlfriend up at BYU and I don't want to scare off any possibilities. Who knows, I might like Rob. I don't have an immediate attraction to him, but as I get to know him I appreciate his personality more.” Jackie was writing to her journal in her familiar rambling pattern. “I just don't want to get involved and make the mistakes I made in high school. Too much depends on the choices I make now.”
The third week of school Myra called Jackie sounding really friendly. Jackie wondered what she wanted, then felt guilty for her attitude. But Myra hadn't really been friendly to her except when asking a favor.
"Hey Jackie!" How ya doing? Listen Leon has a friend he wants to set up with a date for tonight; we're just going to go out to dinner. Could you go on kind of blind date?"
"Ooo, I just came back from dinner.."
"Oh, come on, please, I've called three other girls and I promised I'd get a fourth person."
Jackie agreed to go even though she was still full, and being the fourth choice wasn’t exactly flattering. She figured it would be at least three hours since she ate by the time they got anything. Leon's roommate turned out to be an ex-marine who drank and smoked. She felt awkward and embarrassed and wished she hadn't given in, but G.I. Joe was well behaved and even pretty nice. He just smelled like smoke when he came in from outside in the middle of dinner. Jackie tensed up when Leon turned the car toward the airport, but relaxed when she realized all they were doing was driving far enough out of town to get away from the lights so they could see the billions of stars in the summer sky. It was really beautiful and she enjoyed it immensely. Then, like gentleman, they took her back to the dorm, and Joe walked her to the lobby and said good night.
"I won’t' hear from him again." Jackie breathed with relief.
Later in the week Jackie stood alone in the lunch line waiting patiently to move through and get some lunch. When she spotted Martin sitting at their usual table all alone, she smiled and gave him a waist high wave under her tray. She sat across the table from him and arranged her plate and glass. While they were talking, a couple of the graduate students who were already teaching, but back for the summer classes, approached them. Somehow it seemed to Jackie that they were really old, but when she figured they were the same age as Jack and some of the others it didn't make sense. They ate and left, and Martin still sat talking with Jackie. Acting on a hunch, Jackie said, "Hey , you still owe me that tour of the new activity center!” and he agreed enthusiastically. They walked around looking at the weight room, the indoor track and gym. This will be great in the winter when you can't walk anywhere. They drove into town and toward the stake center. The rail road crossing sign fell down across the road, and they knew it would be at least five minutes while the Santa Fe Railroad cargo train passed over the track. The subject turned back to the needs of the students for whom they were leaders, and Martin suddenly said, "Like last week when we were talking, I would have just as soon "laid a big kiss on you."
Jackie blushed and stammered. "Well that's a real ego booster," she told him trying to ease the embarrassment. She reached over and took his hand, and he pulled her close to her and kissed her. They sat there in the car in broad daylight holding and kissing. "I didn't think he even had any feelings like that toward me." She told her journal. "I really enjoyed talking with him like that, it is so good to have a guy you feel free to talk with and no strings attached, and now we've ruined all that by kissing."
“I’m sorry Martin stammered as he shifted into gear and pulled into the moving lane of traffic. "I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't resist."
"Yeah, it's OK, my fault. We were talking about morality and sex, and it just turned us on. We shouldn't even talk about it or think about it, I guess, even innocent conversations turn into encounters." They both agreed not to ride alone together in a car. The stake youth committee met with their leaders to plan a fund raising activity for the youth conference. Jackie volunteered for the committee to prepare Mexican dishes for the bazaar. Two of the Relief Society sisters from the city ward would head it up, and they would be meeting at the stake center to complete the foods and serve. Jackie and Lincoln took a stack of tickets back to the institute to distribute for selling to college students.
Wednesday night Jackie presented the theme in MIA, and after a short lesson participated in run around ping pong. There were only three boys and the two missionaries. Again Jackie felt disappointed that neither Rob nor Jack had been there. She chided herself for going to MIA only to meet with boys, and tried to persuade herself that really went for the spiritual lessons. The activity began to break up around nine, so after a closing prayer Jackie asked the two graduate teachers if they could give her a lift back to the dorm.
Just as we walked out to the car Jack drove up and invited himself along for ride, “We’ll get ice cream for all of us.” So the driver drove us all to the DQ then drove Jack back to the tute for his car. Before they drove off Jack insisted that he be the one to take Jackie home, so these "older ladies wouldn't corrupt her young mind," he said with his twinkling grin.
Jackie didn’t move from her space in the back seat, fearing that he would just laugh and run off leaving her stranded. Not until he walked around to her side and opened the door did she extend her hand in a motion to accept being removed from the car. Her heart was pounding and her back tingling in anticipation of something great, but Jack drove her straight to the dorm. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach as he pulled slowly down the street near the parking lot, but then he pushed on the accelerator and drove right on past. She smiled inwardly, figuring he expected her to say "hey, I live here" . He interpreted it differently.
"You looked so scared," and Jackie answered,
"I didn't want to go in yet anyway. I have til ten."
"Well, you like to eat, what shall we have?"
"How do you know I like to eat, we haven't been out together. You must think I am Jackie -- I'm Janette, Jackie’s identical twin.”
For a second he fell for the line, but then grinned and said, "You're telling stories; you know that's not how you're supposed to be." He drove up at a pizza place and ordered a large mushroom pizza.
"Tell me what you know about the Book of Mormon."
"I've read it twice, once in high school seminary, then again on my own last year."
"Are you reading it now, every day."
"Well, I'm taking Old Testament in institute, so actually I'm reading that. "
"OK, tell me about Elijah and Elisha."
"We haven't gotten that far, but I know they were prophets."
"Well, you've read the Book of Mormon twice, who was Ammon?
"I don't remember Ammon."
"Ok, then tell me about Abenidi"
"Don't know him."
"You're such a slothful servant," then he laughed and looked at Jackie with a big grin, "You're a real nice little girl."
Jackie laughed and said thank you, feeling confused at the sudden change of mood. Then he asked her about her life and her family and she told him how her parents were traveling around this summer while she stayed at school and admitted she was a little jealous.
"You're goofy" he accused her, but with a big smile. Every time she laughed about something he said, he had a comeback. "You’re weird." The words seemed inappropriately harsh with the contrasting laugh and grin, but Jackie overcame her confusion and managed to enjoy the conversation. She told her journal when she got home, "he is pretty funny; kind of hard to get used to, but I don't think I'd have too much trouble. Toni said she was happy for me but mad because he hadn't asked me out. I'm not; it is kind of fun just living from day to day in suspense."
The following week after the youth committee planning session Lincoln and his parents took Jackie out to a see "Camelot." A very romantic musical about king Arthur and the Knights of the round table. It had been out a while, but Flagstaff usually got the movies several months after Phoenix. Even though it was beautiful and the music was very romantic, Lincoln and Jackie discussed the possible effects on single youth watching such a romantic presentation of what was nothing less than adultery.
Finally the first five weeks was over. Six semester credits of B's wasn't too bad for a summer's work. Jackie had preregistered for two elementary education classes for the second session and would be working with real kids, supervising them in the old swimming pool twice a week. But she needed a break and hadn't been able to get hold of her parents. She prayed fervently that they would answer her letters with a phone call and pick her up for the weekend. She dashed to the bathroom to take a quick shower and back within ten minutes trying not to be away from the phone too long lest they should call.
"Your parents called," Mary said when she came back in.
"Oh no, are they going to call back? Did they leave a phone number?"
"No but I knew you really wanted to go home, so I told them and they said to tell you they'd be here Friday afternoon to pick you up. They said to tell you they love you."
"Oh, thank you so much for telling them. I just have to have a break and see them." Tears came to Jackie's eyes but she didn't want to cry in front of Mary, so far she had managed not to, although there'd been several time when she cried alone in her pillow. She felt so alone, not being able to know where they were, and feeling so frustrated with her social life, yet excited about it at the same time. Not that anything concrete had come from any of the dates so far, but it would. She just knew it would. She re-read her journal from the previous summer:
“These are the goals I set for myself and I think about a great deal. I truly pray that I may have strength to follow through on them.
write in my journal every day
keep up with homework
continue to work diligently at my job
curb my tongue against "smart remarks"
continue in physical activities in the church
and add to that some sincere spiritual activity.

That's where she felt like she was falling down. She attended all her meetings, paid a full tithing on the little income she had, and read at the scriptures most days. But her feelings of disappointment and even disillusionment at the young priesthood holders she had been around made her feel uncomfortable with her own mistakes. When Jack quizzed her on the Book of Mormon and told her she was a slothful servant, she thought, he didn't know how close he was to correct.
Some of the other entries reminded her of her shortcomings morally in high school, and she wanted to just forget the mistakes she had made, but she didn't know if she had repented enough. She felt like she couldn't go on straight arming every guy that came along, and yet, she sure didn't want to get into any dangerous situations. It seemed like dating LDS guys, especially return missionaries that talked about temple marriage, it should be safe. But from previous experiences she knew it was never safe.
Jackie fell tearfully upon the bed and began to cry for no particular reason. Just everything seemed to be pushing down on her. After twenty minutes of tears, she picked up her Book of Mormon and opened it randomly to Alma.
She took her pen and opened to a blank page in her journal notebook and began to write.

Was it Alma??*

Where has it gone?
the little sprout that grew to be
The great and lovely giant tree
that through my life protected me?
Why has it gone and where can it be,
It couldn't have gone when I didn't see.
Its branches were home and protection from harm.
Its limbs formed a shelter
that kept my soul warm.
But today there's no sprout,
no branches or leaves
Where has it gone?
What's happened to me?
Can there still be a sprout
from a seed in my heart
Alma has said,
"that's where it can start."

Having grown the tree once
but cast it away,
could I grow it again
if I start to obey?
I want that protection
that shelter, that love,
I need all the strength
that comes from above.

Oh, Father, I need you,
your sweet tender touch.
Come to me. I'm ready.
I've missed you so much.



Back from the weekend at home, Jackie felt refreshed and rested and ready to take on another five weeks of classes. Taking the children's art and methods of teaching math seemed to be the easiest and best choices to get out of the way during the summer. Her work study job in the curriculum library gave her time to study and a ready source for information for reports.
The first MIA party of the second session had been planned earlier in the month. The Palmers' had invited the group out to their house to swim and barbeque. Lincoln and Jackie reminded Brother C. to bring his guitar and lead them in some singing after. It was good to see that Myra's roommate had been dropping in at the institute in the afternoons this week, and when Jackie heard Myra encouraging her to come to the MIA party she jumped in and added her encouragement.
"Come on, it'll be great. There are plenty of kids taking cars so we can all get a ride out there. Just meet us here about 6:30.”
Jackie jumped in the car with Leon and Myra to drive out to the MIA party. Leon drove the car and Myra snuggled up against him in the front seat. Gina and Jackie just rolled their eyeballs from the back seat and giggled. Leon looked uncomfortable and kept both hands on the steering wheel. Gina imitated him, as if he were making faces at Myra, and Jackie giggled again.
At the pool Jackie took over leading Gina to the changing room and coaxed her into the pool to play volley ball with the rest of the group. They played for a while and Jackie noticed there were some guys she hadn't met. Suddenly a wildly hit volley ball smacked Jackie in the face, and the game stopped for a minute while everyone checked to see if she was OK or needed ice. She was a good sport about it said she was fine.
"That had to hurt,” Gina said.
“I’m OK, really,” Jackie assured her.
Myra and Leon disappeared early, so Jackie asked Lincoln to take her and Gina home after the barbeque and singing. Jackie enjoyed the social, and felt more comfortable in her role as acting president. She warmly invited Gina to keep coming out to activities, and again asked her if she was OK.

Jackie was glad to see Jack hadn’t come to the MIA swim party. Ever since Gina started hanging out at the ‘tute, Jack seemed to take an interest in her, and it didn’t appear to be just a missionary friend shipping effort. It was just a little too warm for that. Jackie tried to be keep on being friendly to Gina, but every time she saw Jack talking to her or walking with her it made her shudder with jealousy. She didn’t just want to drop her friendship, but some days it was just too much to take. She tried to get involved in planning the fund raisers and the fall dance, but she just couldn’t get her mind off of Jack and Gina.
The summer session ended in a blur. Everyone was going away, and Jackie believed nothing would be the same after the end of the summer. Jack was still talking about going up to BYU, and Martin, too, insisted that he had to go check things out at BYU with his old girl friend. Jackie packed her suitcases of clothes and boxes of books and things to put into storage so she could move into South Quad when she returned for fall semester. At least Tami and Toni would be back, and Marilyn would be back to take over the YW presidency. Everything would be different though. Soon they would move into the new building, and have a new institute president, and Jackie began to cry as she packed the last box. She was already homesick for summer school and the group of kids she had become so close to in just ten weeks, now that it was truly ending.

Monday afternoon Jackie sat in her usual chair, taking advantage of the afternoon light of the window to relax and read her assignment for early childhood education. She watched the ping pong game over the top of her book. Jack had beaten the last three opponents and was working up quite a sweat. Now he was just about to win his fourth. It was tempting to applaud and make a big deal over it, but somehow, she didn't feel very enthusiastic about reinforcing his already swollen ego.
Jackie walked into the activity room and stood by watching the ping pong game.
:"Game,” Jack shouted dancing around in his usual egotistical manner. Jackie sat forward to congratulate him, just as he saw him stretch out his ping pong paddle like a scepter and touch Jackie's shoulder, "You’re my good luck charm," she heard him say to Gina
"OOOO, that's the same line he used on me last year. What a flake." Jackie grumbled silently and hid back behind her text book to cover her discomfort.
"Looser buys the winner milk shake," she mouthed in perfect synchronization with Jim's words directed at Jackie. "And she's falling for it. OK, play, play Gina --maybe you have more luck with him than I have. She tried not to watch the game because it made her so angry to see him paying attention to this "new chick ". "I’m not going to let this keep me from being Gina 's friend. I like her and if Jack wants to flirt with her, that's fine with me." She tried to tell herself.
Finally a game of run around ping pong got started and Jack got interested in a conversation with Brother Crockett. Jackie sighed in relief when Gina left alone. She ran to catch up with her and walk together to get the mail and head for the dining hall.
“How are things going Gina,” Jackie asked her.
“Oh, really good. You know that guy that hit me with the ball at the pool -- he called Friday night and asked me out. We doubled with Myra and Leon.”
“I don't think I ever saw him before Wednesday. How was the date?” Jackie warmed, thinking Jackie might already have a boyfriend and not be interested in Jack.
“It was fine. We just went out to dinner and talked. He says he works for the railroad, and never knows when he'll be in town, but he said he'd call me next time he comes. He's old though. Says he’s been in the Navy four years, and a year and a half on a mission. I didn't really know what he meant by a mission, but that makes him nearly 24 or 25.”
“Yeah, some of the boys go on missions for l8 months to teach people about the church; they go all over the world. They used to go for two years, but now with the draft reactivated for the Viet Nam war, the church cut it down to l8 months -- something about the government thinking they were trying to get out of being drafted by serving missions.”
“OOO” Jackie murmured, “I've had some friends drafted, and I've know about a couple of guys that were killed or hurt badly. Maybe a mission wouldn't be such a bad choice. What about that guy, Jack that was playing ping pong. Did he go on a mission or in the army?”
“Mission to Mexico,” Jackie answered glumly.
Several of the dorm kids gathered at the dining table and chatted about plans for the coming week, classes and home.
Martin asked Jackie if she wanted to go with a group of kids to the carnival on the weekend and she agreed. "I thought you wouldn't want to even see me again after . . after the train."
"Don't be embarrassed by that, Jackie, I started it. Actually, I enjoyed it.”
Jackie watched Jack drive up in the blue and white Chevy and help Jackie from her side of the car.
“Oh brother,” she thought, turning her attention to Martin. They all climbed in the roller coaster car and screamed their way over the sharp drop and coasted to the end. Last one on the Ferris wheel is a looser." Jackie shouted leading the pack toward the next ride. Looking back from her perch with Martin on the Ferris wheel basket, she watched Jack lead Jackie gently into the next basket. She looked scared and he was having to coax her.
"Probably a show to look feminine" Jackie thought, rolling her eyeballs.
"What's a matter, Jackie?" Martin asked her.
“Oh, nothing, I was just watching Jackie -- she looks scared. I hope she doesn't get sick or something."
"She's in good hands, Jack will take good care of her.” Martin assured Jackie.
The Ferris wheel went around three times, then stopped.
“Oh, look how beautiful the moon is. Yes a full moon always looks so beautiful coming up -- it looks so huge when it first comes up then looks smaller when it gets high up in the sky.”
“Actually,” Martin explained, “it looks the same size. If you take your thumb nail and put it over the moon now, and later do the same thing, it takes just the same part of your thumb to cover it up. But it looks bigger because of the contrast with the buildings and things we're comparing it with.”
"Oh, cool." Jackie said measuring carefully with her thumb and making a mental note to disprove his theory later in the evening. Her mind was really still on Jackie and Jack in the basket just behind them, but she couldn't crane her neck around enough to get a view of what was going on. Knowing Jack, he would be taking advantage of this stop and Jackie's fear to appear as a knight in shining armor.
"So Martin, uh, what are your plans now the summer is almost over?"
Well, I'm going to drive up to Utah and spend a couple of weeks at my Uncles. If I don't come back engaged, I'm going to come back here and," looking deeply into Jackie's eyes, "see what I can do here.”
Jackie ran that through her mind a few times trying to interpret in different ways and wondering just how much stock to put into it. Glancing back at Jack with Jackie, Jackie felt a flood of loss and regret, and tried to turn her attention to Martin.





Fall semester:
Jackie’s parents swung by NAU on their final leg of their vacation to pick her up at the end of summer session two. They chatted happily about their trip through yellow stone National Park, and the Dakotas where they saw Mount Rushmore and the Lewis and Clark Caverins. Jackie wished she had demanded that they take her with them on this big hoorah, since nothing panned out with Jack it seemed just like a wasted summer.
Not that she had been invited, but she decided that if she had made a fuss or made a stand at least she could have saved herself a summer of heart ache. Now Jack was heading up to BYU to find some “sweet little Mormon girl to marry” and leaving both Jackie and Jackie with broken hearts.
“So what are your plans for the summer break, Jackie?” her dad asked as he maneuvered down the Black Canyon Freeway toward Phoenix.
“There’s not enough time to get a job, so I guess I’ll just lazy around the swimming pool and look up a few old friends, if there are any left unmarried.”
“Jackie, you sound so depressed. Is anything wrong?”
“No, I’m fine. It just seems like everyone is getting married and I’m going to be an old maid.”
“An old maid at nineteen? That’s pretty harsh.”
“But Mom, everyone is getting married. Every week at the insitute someone passes a candle to announce her engagement, and all my friends from high school seminary are engaged, and I haven’t even had a steady boyfriend.’
“Well, your letters certainly sounded like you were having a good time. Martin, and Rob, and all the others.”
“Yeah, they treat me like their sister. They all tell me about their girl problems and how they want to find a good little Mormon wife, but none of them are like boy friends to me. I’m just the little sister to confide in.”
“Well, maybe they are just practicing on you, so they know how to talk to girls after their missions.”
“I don’t care. I just want someone to love me for me. I just want to get married before it’s too late to have children.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, Jackie. You’re not even twenty yet. You have your whole life to be married. Just relax and enjoy being single, and going to college. You have your whole life ahead of you.”
“Mom.” was all Jackie could answer through her tears of anger and frustration.


The welcome back MIA party was a western dance at the old institute with bales of hay set around the enlarged room. Singles from both college wards attended. With the pews moved back to the sides and the ping pong table set up there were enough room for a live band and dancing. It was also somewhat of a fairwell party to the old building as they announced that starting after October conference, meetings would be held in the new building on the south west corner of the campus, behind the Center for Excellence. There were murmurs of excitement over the new building being dedicated as well as coments about missing the old building, but one thing was at least not going to change, Brother Crockett would still be there and Bishop Swan would remain bishop of the combined singles ward. That change had been made during the two week break so everyone knew about it ahead of time. Other announcements were made about a ward choir meeting on Sunday afternoons, and the block schedule time being changed to nine a.m. Lambda Delta Sigma and Sigma Gamma Chi were having their rush week to invite new members to the LDS sorority and fraternity, and those interested in rushing were asked to sign up during the social. Jackie gave the announcements at the beginning of the social under the direction of Lincoln and the YW preseident, Marilyn who had returned for Fall semester.
Since Lincoln and Jackie had done all the preparation for the dance before leaving for the summer, it was fairly easy to throw it together for the first weekend. At first they were afraid there wouldn’t be enough students attending and paying the two dollar fee to pay for the live band, but after the first hour the building was packed, and the band had been well paid. Jackie looked around for Jack, but didn’t see him, and realized he actually had gone to BYU. Martin was back from his visit to Utah, all smiles and contentment. Jackie guessed that his girlfriend had been receptive to his waiting for her.
Old friends from the previous year, some of the summer crowd and many new faces blurred in dances across the room. The music continued through the evening following a short break for the musicians. Jackie managed to stay very busy behind the refreshment table, smiling at everyone and chatting with friends. Martin made his way over to the table and invited her to dance with him. While they were dancing he squeezed her toward him in a friendly hug, and said, “Thank you, Sandy.”
“Thank me for what?”
“For thinking like I do.” he answered as he twirled her away and then back with a grin. She wanted an explanation, but was too confused to ask him, so she just asked, “so how was Utah?” and he assured her it had been a very productive trip.
It was a relief when the evening ended and the hay was removed, the floor swept and the tables put away. The pews were returned to rows for Sunday morning and the doors locked securely before Lincoln drove Jackie home and thanked her for all her help.
Jackie sat at the dorm window on the second floor of South Quad. Her roommates, Tami and Toni were already asleep. They had enjoyed family prayer with the girls in the apartment below and excited chatter, but even after that Jackie couldn’t sleep. She took out her journal and began to write her thoughts.
“I think of Jack more and more and I know I shouldn't. He doesn't want me for any more than a friend and I keep saying the same. But I know, even with all the frustration and heart ache I have suffered because of him that it is through him I have grown and matured and come to a more stable point in my life. He probably doesn't realize how much good he has done me, in spite of his devilishness. I know that I can fall deeply in love much too forward in my assumptions for social acceptance; and above all I know that I am not ready for marriage. I know that I want to finish college and grow up. I have just become a "teenager” in the last year or two, and it's too precious of a time to give up for something which I will have for all eternity. I’m in love with life, with love, and with all the wonderful things wich go along with them. I know that when I am ready, whether it be with Jack or another, I will go to the temple for the wonderful blessing of my life; but I want to be sure that I am prepared properly. Til then, I will pray and keep myself clean for him -- the man I will truly love for all eternity.
Even with that commitment it was still a frustration not dating much. She was taking a full load of l8 semester credits and spent a lot of time studying at the library or at the institute, as well as the extra time it took being in the Young Women’s presidency and choir practice helped pass the time on Sundays. She was thrilled to hear that over the break Jackie and her family had been baptized and confirmed members. They were sitting together in Sacrament meeting Sunday after the party when just after the sacrament ended, surprisingly Jack walked in and insisted on sitting between them. He motioned with a wave of his hand for Jackie to make room and sort of wiggled back and forth to squeeze inbetween them. The smell of his aftershave, and the accidental touch of his hand as he motioned to her to make room stirred Jackie deeply. She stiffened against her impulse to take his hand, believing that he was actually sitting there to be with Jackie, but just after he sat down he motioned for Jackie to scoot on over some more to make mosre space between them. Jackie, picked up her scriptures and scooted toward the center of the bench, somewhat annoyed and insulted, even hurt by the gesture. It wasn’t until after she resettled her scriptures and sweater that she glanced over to see who was so important. Jack slid over with her, and Jackie followed leaving a space on the end of the bench for someone else. Jack’s brother, Chet had settled into the end of the bench next to Jackie, and very casually drapped his arm around her shoulder. She was beaming like a new moon on a starlit night.
At the same time, Jack copied the motion and draped his arm around Jackie, giving her a little squeeze. It took her breath away, and the rest of the meeting went unheard.

Enncelada dinner, Jack is working with her, someone asks if thy are married, must have been fighting like they were.
with him at carnival when he's with Jackie
uses the same lines of your'e my future wife.
likes her big read car.
*combine Linda Ramsey with Jackie in LLJ incidents
Jackie takes Jack very seriously, prays about relationship and rejects him.
Use Merlon and Rob sequences.
Myra and Leon break up. Myra doesn't return for fall.

Wo's The New Chick?

This story is revisionist history, dedicated to Jim and Jess Langston at NAU 1968. Please pass it on to them if you know them. I loved them both, and made the mistake of choosing a third. It has haunted me all mylife.




“So, who's the new chick? Myra.
"Oh, that's Jackie. She's my roommate for the summer. I had to make up a couple of credits so I'm staying the summer sessions, and I had to move in to Cowden.
Pitts, huh?”
“Yeah, pretty much. All my friends went home for summer. Jackie went to my high school, and I knew her -- well, more her sister. But she really seemed excited to see me, and I didn't have a roomy, so I let her move in. She's OK. I always thought she was LDS, but she says she's not.”
“What was her problem. She left here like she'd see a ghost.”
“I don't know, kind of shy, I guess; she said she had something else to do.”
Myra hit the ping pong ball as her turn came up, then handed the paddle to the next player. Run around ping pong had become the favorite pass time at the ‘tute lately. It got more people involved, and it didn't make so much out of winning or losing so the less skilled players could have a good time too.
"Hey, Brother C. good to see you."
"Well, Myra, glad you could come back for the summer. Leon with you?"
"Yeah, he’s out fiddling with his car." Myra brushed her hair from her face in a motion that clearly showed off her new engagement ring.
"So, you two still getting married in the fall?"
"Yeah, I have him on a diet to lose a few pounds before the wedding. I've got him exercising and dieting. Those little bird baths in his scapula will be back in no time."
Jackie was half listening over her book, and noticed Brother C. looked concerned, but seemed to decide not to say anything just then. Leon was a nice kid, just home from his mission. Myra had flirted and courted him since the first day of spring semester when he appeared at the ‘tute, just days home from his mission. He seemed to be flattered by the attention and fell into dating her immediately without getting to know any of the other girls. Myra kept him pretty busy, and pretty isolated from any competition, but now, it looked like she wasn't satisfied with what she had, she was already manipulating him and trying to change him. Leon seemed blind to what was happening. He was so infatuated by her and her attention that he would do anything for her.
Brother Crockett watched the ping pong game as it gradually dwindled. One after the other fell out to go to class or buy books. Jack was just leaving when Myra came in with Jackie. Brother C didn't miss the looks he gave the girls. The skeptical once over and eyeball roll to Myra's back and an interested glance in Jackie's direction.
"Hey, Leon, " he greeted as Leon came bursting in through the open door. How's it going Elder?”
"Great, Brother C. I got that engine purring like a kitten. And look at this, Leon flexed. I'm getting my old wrestling physique back. That hospitality in Hawaii can sure put on the pounds. But Myra has me working it off so I will look buff for her wedding. I mean,” he quickly corrected, "our wedding."
"Hey, tall dark and handsome," Myra snuggled up to him, taking his arm and entwining it with hers. How's my gorgeous hunk of a man?" Leon blushed and looked around. At least no one was there to hear her gushing. He was starting to become more uncomfortable with her public displays of affection.

"Where’d everybody go? I wanted to play ping pong," Leon said disengaging from Myra's grip, picking up an idol paddle from the table, then bending to retrieve the ball from where it had last fallen. "Wanna play Myra?"
"No, it's such a silly game, she said flipping her long hair over her shoulder.
Leon looked confused and hurt, but laid the paddle back on the table, carefully cradling the ball between it and the other one already laying there.
“Now, why can't I get that kind of a guy?” Jackie pondered behind her book. "And there he is stuck with Myra, who is trying to make him over in her selected image. Man, life just isn't fair.”
"Hey Brother C. I need to talk with you, Leon said, over his shoulder. “Can I get an appointment?"
"Sure. I have a class right now, but how about after class this afternoon, say threeish."
"What's that all about, Myra quizzed him, running her hand up and down his arm seductively.
"Just some stuff I gotta talk about. Nothing really. So how's your new roomy working out."
“She’s a book worm, I'm afraid. She'd rather study than socialize.”
"Well, I guess some of us are here to get an education,” Jackie said from behind her book, and received a dirty look from Myra. Leon suppressed a smile.
The ‘tute‘, was empty now. Brother Crockett had retreated into his office gathering up materials for the Old Testament class, and Myra lead Leon away to the car. Jackie was glad to have the quiet. Classes had only begun yesterday and she felt like she was already behind. Taking a semester class in five weeks meant covering about three weeks of material in one.
Jackie was a sophomore, but since her folks were traveling they had decided it would be best for her to stay at school for the summer and get additional credits. She felt more comfortable here at the ‘tute‘, than at the dorm. It was only first day but the roommate assigned to her made her very uncomfortable with her trashy talk and swearing. She made a note to herself to choose a roommate herself if she returned for another summer. Every other word was a swear word and all she ever talked about was her escapades with men. Jackie doubted that anyone could have had that many men by her age, but then -- maybe she had. She found the quiet isolation of the institute a great relief. Jackie could hardly wait for her old roommate, Toni, to return for fall so they could share their old room at South Quad. Why it had to be closed for the summer she didn't know, but Cowden was the pits with the far away community bathrooms and now this roommate. Jack always called it Heifer Hall, the cow den.
Jackie studied until late afternoon, then returned just before MIA. "Jackie,” Bishop Swan touched her shoulder as she entered the building. She turned to shake his hand. "Can we see you a few minutes before MIA begins?"
"Oh, sure, What is it? Something I forgot to repent of?"
"Nothing like that," Bishop Swan smiled, indicating a chair at the side of his big polished desk. "Jackie we've prayed about this and the Lord wants you to serve as first counselor for the Young Women. As counselor, since our president and her other counselor are gone for the summer, you'll be acting as president for the next nine weeks. Can you accept this position?"

"Wow, I never thought I'd be in a presidency. Are you sure you got the right Jackie?"
Bishop Swan chuckled. "Yup. It's definitely you that the Lord wants in this position. Toni has been called as the secretary, the other counselor and Marilyn, the president, won’t be here for summer sessions. You'll need to get together to plan the summer activities with Lincoln -- he's still the Young Men's president, and he'll be a big help to you."
She was sustained in sacrament meeting and set apart in the bishop’s office after sacrament meeting. "Let's have a prayer, Bishop said, as he knelt by his desk. Jackie felt the Holy Ghost warm her from her heart through all her extremities as she listened to the blessing the bishop pronounced on Brother Gary, setting him apart as Sunday School president, and then took her place in the center chair. "Sister Jackie, as we set you apart for the position of second counselor in the NAU College Ward young women's organization, we bless you with the ability to organize yourself, to have time for your classes and your social life as you take time out of your busy schedule to take care of the responsibilities involved in this calling. We bless you with physical health and moral strength that you will have wisdom in all areas of your life, that by your leadership and by your example, those who are seeking light and truth will be lead to investigate the gospel of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. Through this and other positions you will hold in the church you will have the opportunity and responsibility to bear your testimony often."
She didn't really listen to Toni's blessing, as her head was swimming with the thoughts she had and the great feeling of three sets of hands pressing down upon her head. As Toni and Jackie walked home together after the blessings, they agreed to sign up to be roommates at South Quad for the coming year. The three of them, Toni Jackie and Tami would be good for each other they agreed.
Back at her dorm she took out her patriarchal blessing to compare it with what the bishop had said:
“Now my dear sister," the patriarch had spoken, " one of the great responsibilities of the membership of the church is to teach the gospel; and I say unto you, you will have countless opportunities to bear your testimony and to teach the words of life and salvation to those who sit in darkness, and I urge you to prepare yourself through study, through gaining a testimony of the gospel and I promise you that if you will do this, our Heavenly Father will enlighten your mind and quicken your understanding. He will loosen your tongue and make you a valiant emissary in his cause."




Chapter

Lincoln lived with his parents who were dorm parents in Peterson hall, the boy's dorm. They had a downstairs apartment especially designed for family living. Several of the boys in the ward lived in Peterson; it was the only men's dorm open for the summer.
Jackie, grabbed Lincoln's arm as the opening exercises for MIA broke up. "Hey Jackie, what's new?” he asked her grinning from ear to ear.
"I guess you know." she said, grinning back. "So now all I need is a tutor to help me get organized. Looks Like I'm on my own for the summer. Just me and Toni. Tami and Marilyn won't be back till September.”
"You know our college ward is in charge of the autumn stake dance? We need to start planning that, and some fund raisers for the youth conference at the end of the summer. "
"Will we have any kids going -- isn't it during the last week of summer session?”
"Yes, but I guess there are a couple who have signed up to go, and some of the kids in the city wards will be going. We have some girls that live in town and come to the college ward. It's a stake thing so we're expected to help out."
"I just have that one requirement for my Golden Gleaner award. I have to organize and carry out plans for a stake dance, so I'll be glad to help out with that. I'll start working on it right away.” Jackie got out her notebook. "So, what are our plans?" she said emphasizing the OUR.
"Listen, we'll have to talk later, there's my mom. I have to go with her to a doctor’s appointment." Jackie leaned in the open door to greet sister Johnson. As Lincoln sat into the passenger seat, she held on to the top of the door still chatting. Suddenly she heard a scream, and realized it was her own voice. Time seemed to go into slow motion as she saw the tips of her fingers caught in the power window, turning blue. As quickly Lincoln perceived that he had pushed the button on the power window, he groped for the button, but seemed to be all thumbs. As fast as he could he rolled the window down to release her fingers. Jackie couldn't stop the tears. Lincoln pulled her into the car seat beside him, and Jackie held her painful hand between her thighs to stop the throbbing. Sister Johnson drove directly back to their apartment where they iced her hand and apologized over and over.
"I'm sorry," Jackie finally said. "I know your were headed somewhere. I'll be ok. You have to go."
"Well, at least we can take you home," Sister Johnson said, and they got back in the car, Jackie exaggerated the motion as she carefully avoided touching the window. Lincoln laughed at her miming, and apologized a couple more times before he walked her into Cowden hall.
Sunday morning Jackie walked alone to the institute to attend Sunday School, early enough to visit with incoming students. She was anxious to see who was in the ward for the summer, and get to know the new girls. Bishop Swan gave the Sunday school lesson. She gave the two new boys the once over. She felt a surge of disappointment that Jack wasn't there. She had hoped he would be attending the ward during the summer. Just as she clutched onto Tami's arm to leave, Jack came into the foyer.
“Sister Spencer,” he said extending his hand for Jackie.
"Brother Langston," she answered shaking his hand just as cordially. She didn't miss that mystical smile and twinkling eyes. He nodded to Toni mumbling "good morning."
"Oh, no," Jackie thought, "he's going to go to the other ward. Maybe I'll stay just to spend some time with him." Jackie contemplated. But she decided against it, and went to the dining hall with Toni. Later she learned that he hadn't stayed anyway, so she was glad she hadn't wasted her time. For the last two months of spring semester Jack had flirted with Jackie off and on, and even taken her out a couple of time, but what Jackie really wanted was to develop a romantic relationship with him. She really liked him, and he just seemed to think of her as a friend, or worse, his sister.
"You're a cute little girl," he would tell her dropping her off after what she wished to consider a date.
Standing in line for her dinner, Jackie shook her mind back to the present as she spotted Rob, and decided that if she sat with him, maybe she would get a ride to the fireside. As she saw him take his tray over to the table with Martin and his sister Mysha. Jackie set her tray on the table joining the group. Mysha hurried through her meal and left to meet a friend, but Jackie sat and visited with Rob and Martin, bringing up the subject of the evening’s fireside. That went nowhere. As they cleared their trays and walked to the conveyor belt to discard them, Martin finally asked if she was going to the fireside.
"Yes, if I can get a ride." she blurted out.
"Well, that was subtle," Martin laughed and promised to pick her up at 6;30.
"Martin is a pretty class act," she thought. "It would be so great to get to know him better." He was just home from his mission in Argentina, and still pretty shy around the girls, but he seemed to be comfortable with Jackie. "I seem to be everyone's sister and no one’s girl friend," Jackie complained to herself as she walked toward Cowden Hall. Her room was on the first floor near the back, so she entered the north east door and skipped down the hall to her room. Her roommate, Mary, was gone when she got there, she was grateful for the time by herself. She had just kicked off her shoes and lay down on her bed when the phone rang.
"Jack! Hello..”
"Hey little girl. How about coming to my house to see my mission slides. Mom talked me into showing them to the family again tonight. I'd like to have you there."
"Oh, no. of all the time to ask me," she thought in a panic, and said out loud, "How about a rain check? I need to go to that fireside tonight. You know, the YW counselor gig."
"Oh, yeah, I heard about you being sustained this morning. Good. I think the Lord made a good choice. Are you still reading the scriptures?"
"Yeah, every day. Uh, maybe we could make a rain check for the slides. I'd really love to see them."
"You're a good little girl. Good, it’s a rain check then."
"Ahhhhhhhhh", she screamed after hanging up the phone. "Why? Why Why? I could have told Martin never mind. I could still call him and -- but I can't do that. It probably took all his nerve to ask me if I wanted a ride -- or maybe that's all it is, a polite gesture to give me a lift to the fireside. “OH. OH. OH. OH.” she repeated banging her head on the pillow.
"Jackie, are you all right?" Tami hollered through the door. It sounded like you were screaming."
"Oh, Tami, come in. No, I'm OK. Really. Just stupid, stupid, stupid.” After a half hour review of all she had done to get him to ask her out, and mourning the loss of this great chance they commiserated with thought that at least Jack had called.
Martin called her from the lobby at 6:30 sharp, and they arrived in the Bishop's driveway early for the fireside, driving up at the exact same time as Rob. There were about twenty kids, and the bishop's wife served popcorn and punch. Two young high school boys attended; they were at the college for a two week math workshop, so Martin offered to take them back to their dorm, and Jackie began to think she was right about it just being a ride. Wilson hall was the dorm they used for all the high school work shops and elder hostile throughout the summer. At least he let them off first.
"Have you seen the new student center? It's due to open for fall semester. It'll be great. And they are breaking ground next month on the new indoor swim pool’ they call it the Natorium.” Jackie was excited about that the most because she loved to swim. The activity center was closed so they just drove around it, then Martin suggested taking a tour of the new institute building. The late summer evening still had some twilight left, so he took her hand and lead her through the unfinished building showing her where the kitchen would be and the classrooms.
"It will really be big. We're hoping to fill it. Each year we have more and more LDS kids coming up, but it seems like most of them still end up going to BYU."
"I don't know why. I love it here. It's close enough to get home on weekends --when my folks are there, but far enough from Phoenix to be cooler, and the mountains are so beautiful."
"Yeah, I keep trying to talk Mindy into going here."
"Mindy?" Yeah, she was my girlfriend all through High school, and waited for me while I was on my mission. But she wants to go on a mission, so now I'll have to wait for her, then who knows?"
Martin was the new institute president and took his position very seriously. Back at the dorm Jackie waited for him to jump out of the car and run around to open her door as he had when they drove up to the Bishop's house. But he just sat there with his hands on the steering wheel and continued to talk about the challenges they faced as leaders in the college ward.
“I hear rumors that they're going to divide the wards differently in the fall -- put all the married couples in one ward and all the singles in the other. That will make it easier to get to know everyone, don't you think?" He barely paused, then continued. "You know, I think the biggest problem facing the kids in institute -- all of us, is morality. Bishop Swan didn't give me details, but he seemed really concerned about it, and wants to be sure we have lots of activities so couples have a place to go instead of parking or drive in movies. Having the institute building open every evening and more classes will be a big help.
"That's the place they get in trouble all right. I mean, I've heard girls talk about it,” Jackie back peddled. “I've tried really hard not to put myself in that situation since the problems I had in high school. I mean, I never went all the way, but.."
"You don't have to tell me -- I'm not your bishop," Martin joked in an attempt to ease her discomfort.
"Sometimes I have dreams, and when I wake up I feel so guilty that I would even be thinking that way -- I mean in some of the dreams, I'm in bed with a guy or worse."
"Yeah, I know what you mean. I have the same type of dream and I wake up and think ‘Oh, no what have I done’."
They talked for nearly an hour, then, suddenly Martin jumped up ran around to her side, opened the door and lifted her hand gently to guide her out. "That yellow dress is really pretty," he told her as they walked toward the dorm. "I like the way you can see your arms through the sleeves, but it is really modest at the same time." Then, "Can I call you again, and we can do something fun."
The week went by fast with Jackie spending all her spare time at the ‘tute studying or visiting. She expected MIA to be extra fun, but felt vaguely disappointed when none of the guys offered to drive her home. Martin wasn't there, and Rob pretty much ignored her. She had conducted the meeting for the first time, with Lincoln's coaching and he asked her in concern how her fingers were . She wiggled them and said they were all there. Jack wasn't even at MIA.
Everyday she walked to the post office hoping for mail. She often caught up with Jackie when she saw her to say hi, and tried to make a point of being friendly to her at meals. She had heard she wasn't LDS, and thought she might be able to encourage her to come out to some of the activities. Jackie was really taking her calling seriously, thinking about how she could be a good leader. Gina was friendly, but never allowed an opening for much conversation or invitation. At dinner most the group sat together, and Myra brought her roommate with her, trying to include her in the group. She always was one of the first to leave the table, saying she had math to work on. It seemed like an excuse to leave, because Jackie didn't see how anyone could spend that much time on math homework.
Jackie got post cards from her mother as they traveled around. It kind of irritated her. Her parents never went anywhere when she was at home. Now with her gone, it seemed like they felt free. Jackie didn't begrudge them their new found freedom, but she did feel a little jealous of their adventures. Why hadn't they taken her on a trip like that; or offered to take her this summer instead of telling her she should stay at school for the summer. She couldn't even know if they would get the letters she sent, but she was glad to get their letters, and looked forward to weekends when Mom usually called from somewhere on the road.
Rob walked over to the table where Jackie was already sitting and put his tray down. “Mind if I sit here?”
"Fine with me," Jackie said a bit too gruffly.
"Why is every time I open my mouth around him, I sound so gruff? I try to sound sweet and appealing, but I come out sounding like I'm mad at him. I'm afraid that I scare him away, but he has initiated togetherness several time this week, at the institute and at dinner. Maybe he's just shy, or maybe he thinks Martin is dating me because he saw us drive up at the fireside together. I enjoyed talking to Martin, but he has some girlfriend up at BYU and I don't want to scare off any possibilities. Who knows, I might like Rob. I don't have an immediate attraction to him, but as I get to know him I appreciate his personality more.” Jackie was writing to her journal in her familiar rambling pattern. “I just don't want to get involved and make the mistakes I made in high school. Too much depends on the choices I make now.”
The third week of school Myra called Jackie sounding really friendly. Jackie wondered what she wanted, then felt guilty for her attitude. But Myra hadn't really been friendly to her except when asking a favor.
"Hey Jackie!" How ya doing? Listen Leon has a friend he wants to set up with a date for tonight; we're just going to go out to dinner. Could you go on kind of blind date?"
"Ooo, I just came back from dinner.."
"Oh, come on, please, I've called three other girls and I promised I'd get a fourth person."
Jackie agreed to go even though she was still full, and being the fourth choice wasn’t exactly flattering. She figured it would be at least three hours since she ate by the time they got anything. Leon's roommate turned out to be an ex-marine who drank and smoked. She felt awkward and embarrassed and wished she hadn't given in, but G.I. Joe was well behaved and even pretty nice. He just smelled like smoke when he came in from outside in the middle of dinner. Jackie tensed up when Leon turned the car toward the airport, but relaxed when she realized all they were doing was driving far enough out of town to get away from the lights so they could see the billions of stars in the summer sky. It was really beautiful and she enjoyed it immensely. Then, like gentleman, they took her back to the dorm, and Joe walked her to the lobby and said good night.
"I won’t' hear from him again." Jackie breathed with relief.
Later in the week Jackie stood alone in the lunch line waiting patiently to move through and get some lunch. When she spotted Martin sitting at their usual table all alone, she smiled and gave him a waist high wave under her tray. She sat across the table from him and arranged her plate and glass. While they were talking, a couple of the graduate students who were already teaching, but back for the summer classes, approached them. Somehow it seemed to Jackie that they were really old, but when she figured they were the same age as Jack and some of the others it didn't make sense. They ate and left, and Martin still sat talking with Jackie. Acting on a hunch, Jackie said, "Hey , you still owe me that tour of the new activity center!” and he agreed enthusiastically. They walked around looking at the weight room, the indoor track and gym. This will be great in the winter when you can't walk anywhere. They drove into town and toward the stake center. The rail road crossing sign fell down across the road, and they knew it would be at least five minutes while the Santa Fe Railroad cargo train passed over the track. The subject turned back to the needs of the students for whom they were leaders, and Martin suddenly said, "Like last week when we were talking, I would have just as soon "laid a big kiss on you."
Jackie blushed and stammered. "Well that's a real ego booster," she told him trying to ease the embarrassment. She reached over and took his hand, and he pulled her close to her and kissed her. They sat there in the car in broad daylight holding and kissing. "I didn't think he even had any feelings like that toward me." She told her journal. "I really enjoyed talking with him like that, it is so good to have a guy you feel free to talk with and no strings attached, and now we've ruined all that by kissing."
“I’m sorry Martin stammered as he shifted into gear and pulled into the moving lane of traffic. "I don't know what came over me. I just couldn't resist."
"Yeah, it's OK, my fault. We were talking about morality and sex, and it just turned us on. We shouldn't even talk about it or think about it, I guess, even innocent conversations turn into encounters." They both agreed not to ride alone together in a car. The stake youth committee met with their leaders to plan a fund raising activity for the youth conference. Jackie volunteered for the committee to prepare Mexican dishes for the bazaar. Two of the Relief Society sisters from the city ward would head it up, and they would be meeting at the stake center to complete the foods and serve. Jackie and Lincoln took a stack of tickets back to the institute to distribute for selling to college students.
Wednesday night Jackie presented the theme in MIA, and after a short lesson participated in run around ping pong. There were only three boys and the two missionaries. Again Jackie felt disappointed that neither Rob nor Jack had been there. She chided herself for going to MIA only to meet with boys, and tried to persuade herself that really went for the spiritual lessons. The activity began to break up around nine, so after a closing prayer Jackie asked the two graduate teachers if they could give her a lift back to the dorm.
Just as we walked out to the car Jack drove up and invited himself along for ride, “We’ll get ice cream for all of us.” So the driver drove us all to the DQ then drove Jack back to the tute for his car. Before they drove off Jack insisted that he be the one to take Jackie home, so these "older ladies wouldn't corrupt her young mind," he said with his twinkling grin.
Jackie didn’t move from her space in the back seat, fearing that he would just laugh and run off leaving her stranded. Not until he walked around to her side and opened the door did she extend her hand in a motion to accept being removed from the car. Her heart was pounding and her back tingling in anticipation of something great, but Jack drove her straight to the dorm. Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach as he pulled slowly down the street near the parking lot, but then he pushed on the accelerator and drove right on past. She smiled inwardly, figuring he expected her to say "hey, I live here" . He interpreted it differently.
"You looked so scared," and Jackie answered,
"I didn't want to go in yet anyway. I have til ten."
"Well, you like to eat, what shall we have?"
"How do you know I like to eat, we haven't been out together. You must think I am Jackie -- I'm Janette, Jackie’s identical twin.”
For a second he fell for the line, but then grinned and said, "You're telling stories; you know that's not how you're supposed to be." He drove up at a pizza place and ordered a large mushroom pizza.
"Tell me what you know about the Book of Mormon."
"I've read it twice, once in high school seminary, then again on my own last year."
"Are you reading it now, every day."
"Well, I'm taking Old Testament in institute, so actually I'm reading that. "
"OK, tell me about Elijah and Elisha."
"We haven't gotten that far, but I know they were prophets."
"Well, you've read the Book of Mormon twice, who was Ammon?
"I don't remember Ammon."
"Ok, then tell me about Abenidi"
"Don't know him."
"You're such a slothful servant," then he laughed and looked at Jackie with a big grin, "You're a real nice little girl."
Jackie laughed and said thank you, feeling confused at the sudden change of mood. Then he asked her about her life and her family and she told him how her parents were traveling around this summer while she stayed at school and admitted she was a little jealous.
"You're goofy" he accused her, but with a big smile. Every time she laughed about something he said, he had a comeback. "You’re weird." The words seemed inappropriately harsh with the contrasting laugh and grin, but Jackie overcame her confusion and managed to enjoy the conversation. She told her journal when she got home, "he is pretty funny; kind of hard to get used to, but I don't think I'd have too much trouble. Toni said she was happy for me but mad because he hadn't asked me out. I'm not; it is kind of fun just living from day to day in suspense."
The following week after the youth committee planning session Lincoln and his parents took Jackie out to a see "Camelot." A very romantic musical about king Arthur and the Knights of the round table. It had been out a while, but Flagstaff usually got the movies several months after Phoenix. Even though it was beautiful and the music was very romantic, Lincoln and Jackie discussed the possible effects on single youth watching such a romantic presentation of what was nothing less than adultery.
Finally the first five weeks was over. Six semester credits of B's wasn't too bad for a summer's work. Jackie had preregistered for two elementary education classes for the second session and would be working with real kids, supervising them in the old swimming pool twice a week. But she needed a break and hadn't been able to get hold of her parents. She prayed fervently that they would answer her letters with a phone call and pick her up for the weekend. She dashed to the bathroom to take a quick shower and back within ten minutes trying not to be away from the phone too long lest they should call.
"Your parents called," Mary said when she came back in.
"Oh no, are they going to call back? Did they leave a phone number?"
"No but I knew you really wanted to go home, so I told them and they said to tell you they'd be here Friday afternoon to pick you up. They said to tell you they love you."
"Oh, thank you so much for telling them. I just have to have a break and see them." Tears came to Jackie's eyes but she didn't want to cry in front of Mary, so far she had managed not to, although there'd been several time when she cried alone in her pillow. She felt so alone, not being able to know where they were, and feeling so frustrated with her social life, yet excited about it at the same time. Not that anything concrete had come from any of the dates so far, but it would. She just knew it would. She re-read her journal from the previous summer:
“These are the goals I set for myself and I think about a great deal. I truly pray that I may have strength to follow through on them.
write in my journal every day
keep up with homework
continue to work diligently at my job
curb my tongue against "smart remarks"
continue in physical activities in the church
and add to that some sincere spiritual activity.

That's where she felt like she was falling down. She attended all her meetings, paid a full tithing on the little income she had, and read at the scriptures most days. But her feelings of disappointment and even disillusionment at the young priesthood holders she had been around made her feel uncomfortable with her own mistakes. When Jack quizzed her on the Book of Mormon and told her she was a slothful servant, she thought, he didn't know how close he was to correct.
Some of the other entries reminded her of her shortcomings morally in high school, and she wanted to just forget the mistakes she had made, but she didn't know if she had repented enough. She felt like she couldn't go on straight arming every guy that came along, and yet, she sure didn't want to get into any dangerous situations. It seemed like dating LDS guys, especially return missionaries that talked about temple marriage, it should be safe. But from previous experiences she knew it was never safe.
Jackie fell tearfully upon the bed and began to cry for no particular reason. Just everything seemed to be pushing down on her. After twenty minutes of tears, she picked up her Book of Mormon and opened it randomly to Alma.
She took her pen and opened to a blank page in her journal notebook and began to write.

Was it Alma??*

Where has it gone?
the little sprout that grew to be
The great and lovely giant tree
that through my life protected me?
Why has it gone and where can it be,
It couldn't have gone when I didn't see.
Its branches were home and protection from harm.
Its limbs formed a shelter
that kept my soul warm.
But today there's no sprout,
no branches or leaves
Where has it gone?
What's happened to me?
Can there still be a sprout
from a seed in my heart
Alma has said,
"that's where it can start."

Having grown the tree once
but cast it away,
could I grow it again
if I start to obey?
I want that protection
that shelter, that love,
I need all the strength
that comes from above.

Oh, Father, I need you,
your sweet tender touch.
Come to me. I'm ready.
I've missed you so much.



Back from the weekend at home, Jackie felt refreshed and rested and ready to take on another five weeks of classes. Taking the children's art and methods of teaching math seemed to be the easiest and best choices to get out of the way during the summer. Her work study job in the curriculum library gave her time to study and a ready source for information for reports.
The first MIA party of the second session had been planned earlier in the month. The Palmers' had invited the group out to their house to swim and barbeque. Lincoln and Jackie reminded Brother C. to bring his guitar and lead them in some singing after. It was good to see that Myra's roommate had been dropping in at the institute in the afternoons this week, and when Jackie heard Myra encouraging her to come to the MIA party she jumped in and added her encouragement.
"Come on, it'll be great. There are plenty of kids taking cars so we can all get a ride out there. Just meet us here about 6:30.”
Jackie jumped in the car with Leon and Myra to drive out to the MIA party. Leon drove the car and Myra snuggled up against him in the front seat. Gina and Jackie just rolled their eyeballs from the back seat and giggled. Leon looked uncomfortable and kept both hands on the steering wheel. Gina imitated him, as if he were making faces at Myra, and Jackie giggled again.
At the pool Jackie took over leading Gina to the changing room and coaxed her into the pool to play volley ball with the rest of the group. They played for a while and Jackie noticed there were some guys she hadn't met. Suddenly a wildly hit volley ball smacked Jackie in the face, and the game stopped for a minute while everyone checked to see if she was OK or needed ice. She was a good sport about it said she was fine.
"That had to hurt,” Gina said.
“I’m OK, really,” Jackie assured her.
Myra and Leon disappeared early, so Jackie asked Lincoln to take her and Gina home after the barbeque and singing. Jackie enjoyed the social, and felt more comfortable in her role as acting president. She warmly invited Gina to keep coming out to activities, and again asked her if she was OK.

Jackie was glad to see Jack hadn’t come to the MIA swim party. Ever since Gina started hanging out at the ‘tute, Jack seemed to take an interest in her, and it didn’t appear to be just a missionary friend shipping effort. It was just a little too warm for that. Jackie tried to be keep on being friendly to Gina, but every time she saw Jack talking to her or walking with her it made her shudder with jealousy. She didn’t just want to drop her friendship, but some days it was just too much to take. She tried to get involved in planning the fund raisers and the fall dance, but she just couldn’t get her mind off of Jack and Gina.
The summer session ended in a blur. Everyone was going away, and Jackie believed nothing would be the same after the end of the summer. Jack was still talking about going up to BYU, and Martin, too, insisted that he had to go check things out at BYU with his old girl friend. Jackie packed her suitcases of clothes and boxes of books and things to put into storage so she could move into South Quad when she returned for fall semester. At least Tami and Toni would be back, and Marilyn would be back to take over the YW presidency. Everything would be different though. Soon they would move into the new building, and have a new institute president, and Jackie began to cry as she packed the last box. She was already homesick for summer school and the group of kids she had become so close to in just ten weeks, now that it was truly ending.

Monday afternoon Jackie sat in her usual chair, taking advantage of the afternoon light of the window to relax and read her assignment for early childhood education. She watched the ping pong game over the top of her book. Jack had beaten the last three opponents and was working up quite a sweat. Now he was just about to win his fourth. It was tempting to applaud and make a big deal over it, but somehow, she didn't feel very enthusiastic about reinforcing his already swollen ego.
Jackie walked into the activity room and stood by watching the ping pong game.
:"Game,” Jack shouted dancing around in his usual egotistical manner. Jackie sat forward to congratulate him, just as he saw him stretch out his ping pong paddle like a scepter and touch Jackie's shoulder, "You’re my good luck charm," she heard him say to Gina
"OOOO, that's the same line he used on me last year. What a flake." Jackie grumbled silently and hid back behind her text book to cover her discomfort.
"Looser buys the winner milk shake," she mouthed in perfect synchronization with Jim's words directed at Jackie. "And she's falling for it. OK, play, play Gina --maybe you have more luck with him than I have. She tried not to watch the game because it made her so angry to see him paying attention to this "new chick ". "I’m not going to let this keep me from being Gina 's friend. I like her and if Jack wants to flirt with her, that's fine with me." She tried to tell herself.
Finally a game of run around ping pong got started and Jack got interested in a conversation with Brother Crockett. Jackie sighed in relief when Gina left alone. She ran to catch up with her and walk together to get the mail and head for the dining hall.
“How are things going Gina,” Jackie asked her.
“Oh, really good. You know that guy that hit me with the ball at the pool -- he called Friday night and asked me out. We doubled with Myra and Leon.”
“I don't think I ever saw him before Wednesday. How was the date?” Jackie warmed, thinking Jackie might already have a boyfriend and not be interested in Jack.
“It was fine. We just went out to dinner and talked. He says he works for the railroad, and never knows when he'll be in town, but he said he'd call me next time he comes. He's old though. Says he’s been in the Navy four years, and a year and a half on a mission. I didn't really know what he meant by a mission, but that makes him nearly 24 or 25.”
“Yeah, some of the boys go on missions for l8 months to teach people about the church; they go all over the world. They used to go for two years, but now with the draft reactivated for the Viet Nam war, the church cut it down to l8 months -- something about the government thinking they were trying to get out of being drafted by serving missions.”
“OOO” Jackie murmured, “I've had some friends drafted, and I've know about a couple of guys that were killed or hurt badly. Maybe a mission wouldn't be such a bad choice. What about that guy, Jack that was playing ping pong. Did he go on a mission or in the army?”
“Mission to Mexico,” Jackie answered glumly.
Several of the dorm kids gathered at the dining table and chatted about plans for the coming week, classes and home.
Martin asked Jackie if she wanted to go with a group of kids to the carnival on the weekend and she agreed. "I thought you wouldn't want to even see me again after . . after the train."
"Don't be embarrassed by that, Jackie, I started it. Actually, I enjoyed it.”
Jackie watched Jack drive up in the blue and white Chevy and help Jackie from her side of the car.
“Oh brother,” she thought, turning her attention to Martin. They all climbed in the roller coaster car and screamed their way over the sharp drop and coasted to the end. Last one on the Ferris wheel is a looser." Jackie shouted leading the pack toward the next ride. Looking back from her perch with Martin on the Ferris wheel basket, she watched Jack lead Jackie gently into the next basket. She looked scared and he was having to coax her.
"Probably a show to look feminine" Jackie thought, rolling her eyeballs.
"What's a matter, Jackie?" Martin asked her.
“Oh, nothing, I was just watching Jackie -- she looks scared. I hope she doesn't get sick or something."
"She's in good hands, Jack will take good care of her.” Martin assured Jackie.
The Ferris wheel went around three times, then stopped.
“Oh, look how beautiful the moon is. Yes a full moon always looks so beautiful coming up -- it looks so huge when it first comes up then looks smaller when it gets high up in the sky.”
“Actually,” Martin explained, “it looks the same size. If you take your thumb nail and put it over the moon now, and later do the same thing, it takes just the same part of your thumb to cover it up. But it looks bigger because of the contrast with the buildings and things we're comparing it with.”
"Oh, cool." Jackie said measuring carefully with her thumb and making a mental note to disprove his theory later in the evening. Her mind was really still on Jackie and Jack in the basket just behind them, but she couldn't crane her neck around enough to get a view of what was going on. Knowing Jack, he would be taking advantage of this stop and Jackie's fear to appear as a knight in shining armor.
"So Martin, uh, what are your plans now the summer is almost over?"
Well, I'm going to drive up to Utah and spend a couple of weeks at my Uncles. If I don't come back engaged, I'm going to come back here and," looking deeply into Jackie's eyes, "see what I can do here.”
Jackie ran that through her mind a few times trying to interpret in different ways and wondering just how much stock to put into it. Glancing back at Jack with Jackie, Jackie felt a flood of loss and regret, and tried to turn her attention to Martin.





Fall semester:
Jackie’s parents swung by NAU on their final leg of their vacation to pick her up at the end of summer session two. They chatted happily about their trip through yellow stone National Park, and the Dakotas where they saw Mount Rushmore and the Lewis and Clark Caverins. Jackie wished she had demanded that they take her with them on this big hoorah, since nothing panned out with Jack it seemed just like a wasted summer.
Not that she had been invited, but she decided that if she had made a fuss or made a stand at least she could have saved herself a summer of heart ache. Now Jack was heading up to BYU to find some “sweet little Mormon girl to marry” and leaving both Jackie and Jackie with broken hearts.
“So what are your plans for the summer break, Jackie?” her dad asked as he maneuvered down the Black Canyon Freeway toward Phoenix.
“There’s not enough time to get a job, so I guess I’ll just lazy around the swimming pool and look up a few old friends, if there are any left unmarried.”
“Jackie, you sound so depressed. Is anything wrong?”
“No, I’m fine. It just seems like everyone is getting married and I’m going to be an old maid.”
“An old maid at nineteen? That’s pretty harsh.”
“But Mom, everyone is getting married. Every week at the insitute someone passes a candle to announce her engagement, and all my friends from high school seminary are engaged, and I haven’t even had a steady boyfriend.’
“Well, your letters certainly sounded like you were having a good time. Martin, and Rob, and all the others.”
“Yeah, they treat me like their sister. They all tell me about their girl problems and how they want to find a good little Mormon wife, but none of them are like boy friends to me. I’m just the little sister to confide in.”
“Well, maybe they are just practicing on you, so they know how to talk to girls after their missions.”
“I don’t care. I just want someone to love me for me. I just want to get married before it’s too late to have children.”
“That’s a bit dramatic, Jackie. You’re not even twenty yet. You have your whole life to be married. Just relax and enjoy being single, and going to college. You have your whole life ahead of you.”
“Mom.” was all Jackie could answer through her tears of anger and frustration.


The welcome back MIA party was a western dance at the old institute with bales of hay set around the enlarged room. Singles from both college wards attended. With the pews moved back to the sides and the ping pong table set up there were enough room for a live band and dancing. It was also somewhat of a fairwell party to the old building as they announced that starting after October conference, meetings would be held in the new building on the south west corner of the campus, behind the Center for Excellence. There were murmurs of excitement over the new building being dedicated as well as coments about missing the old building, but one thing was at least not going to change, Brother Crockett would still be there and Bishop Swan would remain bishop of the combined singles ward. That change had been made during the two week break so everyone knew about it ahead of time. Other announcements were made about a ward choir meeting on Sunday afternoons, and the block schedule time being changed to nine a.m. Lambda Delta Sigma and Sigma Gamma Chi were having their rush week to invite new members to the LDS sorority and fraternity, and those interested in rushing were asked to sign up during the social. Jackie gave the announcements at the beginning of the social under the direction of Lincoln and the YW preseident, Marilyn who had returned for Fall semester.
Since Lincoln and Jackie had done all the preparation for the dance before leaving for the summer, it was fairly easy to throw it together for the first weekend. At first they were afraid there wouldn’t be enough students attending and paying the two dollar fee to pay for the live band, but after the first hour the building was packed, and the band had been well paid. Jackie looked around for Jack, but didn’t see him, and realized he actually had gone to BYU. Martin was back from his visit to Utah, all smiles and contentment. Jackie guessed that his girlfriend had been receptive to his waiting for her.
Old friends from the previous year, some of the summer crowd and many new faces blurred in dances across the room. The music continued through the evening following a short break for the musicians. Jackie managed to stay very busy behind the refreshment table, smiling at everyone and chatting with friends. Martin made his way over to the table and invited her to dance with him. While they were dancing he squeezed her toward him in a friendly hug, and said, “Thank you, Sandy.”
“Thank me for what?”
“For thinking like I do.” he answered as he twirled her away and then back with a grin. She wanted an explanation, but was too confused to ask him, so she just asked, “so how was Utah?” and he assured her it had been a very productive trip.
It was a relief when the evening ended and the hay was removed, the floor swept and the tables put away. The pews were returned to rows for Sunday morning and the doors locked securely before Lincoln drove Jackie home and thanked her for all her help.
Jackie sat at the dorm window on the second floor of South Quad. Her roommates, Tami and Toni were already asleep. They had enjoyed family prayer with the girls in the apartment below and excited chatter, but even after that Jackie couldn’t sleep. She took out her journal and began to write her thoughts.
“I think of Jack more and more and I know I shouldn't. He doesn't want me for any more than a friend and I keep saying the same. But I know, even with all the frustration and heart ache I have suffered because of him that it is through him I have grown and matured and come to a more stable point in my life. He probably doesn't realize how much good he has done me, in spite of his devilishness. I know that I can fall deeply in love much too forward in my assumptions for social acceptance; and above all I know that I am not ready for marriage. I know that I want to finish college and grow up. I have just become a "teenager” in the last year or two, and it's too precious of a time to give up for something which I will have for all eternity. I’m in love with life, with love, and with all the wonderful things wich go along with them. I know that when I am ready, whether it be with Jack or another, I will go to the temple for the wonderful blessing of my life; but I want to be sure that I am prepared properly. Til then, I will pray and keep myself clean for him -- the man I will truly love for all eternity.
Even with that commitment it was still a frustration not dating much. She was taking a full load of l8 semester credits and spent a lot of time studying at the library or at the institute, as well as the extra time it took being in the Young Women’s presidency and choir practice helped pass the time on Sundays. She was thrilled to hear that over the break Jackie and her family had been baptized and confirmed members. They were sitting together in Sacrament meeting Sunday after the party when just after the sacrament ended, surprisingly Jack walked in and insisted on sitting between them. He motioned with a wave of his hand for Jackie to make room and sort of wiggled back and forth to squeeze inbetween them. The smell of his aftershave, and the accidental touch of his hand as he motioned to her to make room stirred Jackie deeply. She stiffened against her impulse to take his hand, believing that he was actually sitting there to be with Jackie, but just after he sat down he motioned for Jackie to scoot on over some more to make mosre space between them. Jackie, picked up her scriptures and scooted toward the center of the bench, somewhat annoyed and insulted, even hurt by the gesture. It wasn’t until after she resettled her scriptures and sweater that she glanced over to see who was so important. Jack slid over with her, and Jackie followed leaving a space on the end of the bench for someone else. Jack’s brother, Chet had settled into the end of the bench next to Jackie, and very casually drapped his arm around her shoulder. She was beaming like a new moon on a starlit night.
At the same time, Jack copied the motion and draped his arm around Jackie, giving her a little squeeze. It took her breath away, and the rest of the meeting went unheard.